Self Portrait in a Still Life

The Happy Couple and some of the Collection, pastel on board, 24x18cm

The things that I use as inspiration and motifs are part of me.  About thirty years ago my mother hooked me a wedding rug.  It is in our bedroom, underfoot.  My sister's is on her wall.  Mine is worn.  My sister's is pristine.  I know mine by touch. 

There's alot to think about when composing a drawing or painting.  The first thing is WHO IS THIS FOR? Although I do the occasional commission, for the most part my work is for me and then to show.  If I am lucky and I really like what I'm making, someone else usually does too.  My audience likes different things so I have scope to experiment and work in different media and motifs. Yesterday i wanted to have fun and steep myself in some of my favourite colours.

What I am working on begins with a question, or a puzzle or a delight or some colours that I need to fix in time.  Yesterday (and today's) drawing was about me, for sure, but it was also about where I came from, who I am here with and what I like, mostly.  As I chose objects I wanted to create a window into my life, how I see myself.  I began with the rug. I found a way to make a backdrop of the rug, first, then I began choosing objects. They were about eye height… boxes stacked on a plant stand with a piece of ply on top and then fabric, scarves, stuff.

My still life was going to be colourful, a bit whimsical, maybe frivolous but also solid and dependable (the apple and the book).  The story would be convoluted but pleasant with a little repetition and lots of pattern. It was so much fun to make!  My mother had made the aesthetic decisions in her rug and I was collaging the beautiful objects that are in my life already to compliment them.

Rudbeckia Robin and Pumpkin, egg tempera on panel, 26 x 20 cm

I know it's autumn by the colours I see, the colour I am drawn to and the way it is that much darker all the time. I began his egg tempera over the weekend and worked a little more on it this afternoon once I returned from life drawing. I wanted to create the lush feeling of each of the objects and to situate them in an autumnal setting. I Love the work of Hosep Pushman https://elle-belle10.livejournal.com/1941548.html and although my work looks nothing like his, I think of it as I work, often.

As usual, I nearly gave up repeatedly.  I would ask myself: Why can't a create a feeling of equilibrium? Even though the vase isn't quite in the centre is it too much in the centre? Which hour of light do I want to settle on? Do those rudbeckia need to be just the way I see them? Why is a cake stand used as a fruit bowl so darned difficult to draw?

I thought I'd include a very early version so you can see how much I change as I go on… how loose I start and how bad at drawing I can be!

And above was what I was looking at until I added the orange on the right to help satisfy my wandering eye.

A few new opened books

Villa Fiorita, pastel on book pages, 29 x 20cm

When I first started making opened books I remember someone saying that it would scare them to begin drawing on the prepared supports. they worried that if it were them they would 'ruin' the page.

Getting the page ready for my image does take time… First I have to find the book; then I need to find the pages that might speak to something I look at.  Next I have to prepare the books.  These days I like to take pages out of the books so I can have additional pages to work on, so I scan the pages as I go through the book, looking for words and ideas, cut pages out, and then glue them all together.  Once that's done, I press the opened book between books to flatten and dry, I use clear gesso on the top pages then mask and coat the pages with some pastel ground mixed with a colour. It's a couple of hours just to the point to beginning a drawing. 

Luckily a simple eraser removes my marks if I don't like what I do, so 'ruining' a page isn't a problem.

The Blue Hills, pastel on book pages, 30 x 21cm

One of my collectors wants a few more of these books so I am seeing what I can come up with. I have been going through my sketchbooks, trawling through my summer photos and looking at the prepared pages for inspiration.

Islanders Sea-breeze, pastel on book pages, 25 x 18 cm